The Life After Convocation (a never ending story)

seumur2 dauroh di kammi dulu, punya cita2 gede banget m'jadi moslem negarawan yg menggunakan potensi diri utk kebaekan umat. yah geto deh..tau kan? tau dong...
pada waktu itu mungkin (memang, bukan mungkin lagi) diriku tidak/belum menghadapi realita yang sebenarnya.
this is it!
i'm strayed in a place called 'school', a place where i'm working in. here, my idealism which i used to grow in kammi seems to be dead in a very pethatic way.
here, i see so many creatures that i'm reluctant to call them my students (????). am i a bad teacher? call me so. but i can hardly stand a longer time with them. they are the people that as strayed as i am in that school too. sometimes i dont wanna blame them.. sometimes i yell at them asking why they should behave like uncivilized people like that?
SO?
i guess, this is all caused by:
- the undisciplined system created by school
- what they expect differs from the reality happens
let me tell u what:
me myself already get bored with the condition of school. poor administration, poor location, poor rooms... who said that we dont need conveniety?
worse, in every new term, we will be insisted to "wander" seeking some "preys" to be persuaded (perceived???) wasting their young age there...
it's like a reign of devil.. never meet an ending of this f***king condition.

kemudian, yang aku pelajari dari dauroh2 di kammi itu...qt sebagai moslem negarawan, intinya, harus bisa menjadi director of change, a.k.a. problem solver. tapiiiii, gimana yah? i think this school is similar to Indonesia, it's got a much complicated problems, yang solusinya tak lain dan tak bukan (mungkin, ah,,gila main kemungkinan aja?!) adalah dengan cara radikalisme????
(leave or live in a confusions?)

today, i've just realized another pethatic fact: some teachers whose rather same ideology with me have quit since Monday (actually they're fired; disloyality? i prefer to say that they're looking for a better place to implement their ideology). i feel like i'm gonna be soooooo lonely here...
maybe i wont last for a long time there. fine by me. i believe, the longer i spend time there, not any better i become.
may Alloh still bless me with His blessing and favor. amin..

Epilog:
sebenarnya note ini kacau balau sekali.... sebnrnya mau curhat ttg how i survive here.. tapi karena too complicated (can i say so?), beginilah jadinya. terserah! yang penting leghaaaaaa....